After getting here last night, we had achieved our initial "goal" of getting to Houston & moving in to our temporary apartment. Although there was certainly some relief to be here after 1200 miles on the road, it was actually a bit scary, because we were now faced with the reality ahead. What will the tests show? What happens if I miss a step of the prep for one of the tests? What happens if there are complications? Not only that, what if something happens at home & we can't do anything about it? It's enough to make your brain explode. The rational part of your brain says, "chill - you'll get through it." but the fear sneaks in & gets it foot in the door.
What's the opposite of Love? Hate? I don't think so. Too close. Nothingness? No, that's just absence of emotion. I think the opposite of Love is Fear. When you Love, there is no doubt. By definition, Love fills the gaps in what we do and how we feel. Love creates meaning out of nothing. Fear creates a feeling of nothingness, a void, blinding you from seeing what is there.
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So to combat the fear, I read the pillowcase. (This is the pillowcase that my Dragonboat friends wrote messages on after our last paddle in Charleston. It's hanging on the headboard of our bed now). I hadn't really read hardly any of it. Last night I puled it out and read every word. The expressions of warmth, generosity, hope and Love shined a clear light on exactly what was happening. Yeah, it'll be tough. But I have the love of Sheila, here by my side, and the love of lots of folks back home.
Likewise, the comments on the blog here, have been a tremendous inspiration to us. I cannot tell you how much it means to Sheila & I.
THANK YOU!
Love,
Mark
What's the opposite of Love? Hate? I don't think so. Too close. Nothingness? No, that's just absence of emotion. I think the opposite of Love is Fear. When you Love, there is no doubt. By definition, Love fills the gaps in what we do and how we feel. Love creates meaning out of nothing. Fear creates a feeling of nothingness, a void, blinding you from seeing what is there.
.JPG)
So to combat the fear, I read the pillowcase. (This is the pillowcase that my Dragonboat friends wrote messages on after our last paddle in Charleston. It's hanging on the headboard of our bed now). I hadn't really read hardly any of it. Last night I puled it out and read every word. The expressions of warmth, generosity, hope and Love shined a clear light on exactly what was happening. Yeah, it'll be tough. But I have the love of Sheila, here by my side, and the love of lots of folks back home.Likewise, the comments on the blog here, have been a tremendous inspiration to us. I cannot tell you how much it means to Sheila & I.
THANK YOU!
Love,
Mark
5 comments:
Hi Mark,
I think that love brings strength. I don't know what the pillowcase is (I thought you meant those tags that say you'll go to jail if you pull off the tag!), but it sounds intriguing. I'll have to start reading my pillowcase when I'm down.
You're brave to not act like you have no fear or trepidations. And the prospect of all those tests has got to be overwhelming. So just take it minute by minute.
Love,
Nina
Hi Mark and Sheila,
My son, who is a recovering alcoholic, and guides me through times of terror, tells me that fear is the opposite of faith.
Any of us who have faced the cancer beast, or been through the hell of the disease of alcoholism, truly understands fear. Let us, as those who love you, wrap you in a blanket of love and support. A blanket with fists that will try to beat off whatever threatens you.
Love,
gene
Mark,
You are so right about fear. It can have such an intense grip and it shields us from our hope. I hope our love will help you keep it at bay.
Thanks for sharing your journey. All of it; the good and the unpleasant. You are teaching us something about life and ourselves everyday. We think about you with every stroke.
Hi Mark and Sheila,
If anyone can release that stronghold of fear, that would be you Mark. You are one of the most positive individuals I know. Like Gene stated, we who have dealt with the cancer demon know how it can attempt to take over our faith and hope. Give it a kick in its sorry butt! You've got LOVE on your side. Jeff and I are praying for you and Sheila. Just think another day closer to this journey coming to a close and returning home. I will keep sending you love and strength. Love ya
Mark, I feel so sad; I wasn't there for the pillowcase writing. If I had been, I would have written "I love you."
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